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The Ballad of the Banned Bard

Hello again, dear readers!

You may recall my guest appearance at this fine establishment last year around this time.

I write to you today facing a most disheartening circumstance!

While the multiplayer format boastfully claims to welcome all, it seems there's an egregious exception!

First, a promise of an open and free gameplay format.

Lies! Deception! After Mr. White lovingly crafted my likeness into a card for his delightful game, it seems that yours truly was too popular for his own good.

Talk about a shitty X-mas present… in October, no less!

But alas, I always try to look on the bright side. All great masterpieces are born from tragedy. Despite the woes caused by my lack of official playability, I did receive a wonderful new instrument since I last wrote, from Mr. White himself!

Mr. White's latest gaming set, Outsiders, even served as inspiration for my latest song, and Hummingbird played an instrumental (heh heh) role in bringing this wonderful song to life. So, without further ado, I bring to you…

Without Me, by Yorick the Bard
[best enjoyed to the tune of Without Me, by the bard Eminem]

James White, real name no gimmicks

Call of Adventure and it’s got two sides

Got two sides, got two sides

Call of Adventure and it’s got two sides

Got two sides, got two sides


Guess who’s back?

Back again

Yorick’s back

Tell a friend

Guess who's back? Guess who's back?

Guess who's back? Guess who's back?

Guess who's back? Guess who's back?

Guess who's back?


I’ve created a monster

Cause nobody wants to help shuffle no more

They want Prism, I’m chopped liver

Well if you want Prism, this is what I’ll give ya

A Lurker of the Deep and a Driftwood Quiver

Some Pox that’ll just stop your heart quicker

Than a shock when I get shocked at the Thunder Steppe

By Briar when I’m not cooperating

When I’m flauntin’ my fable while she’s CMH’ing

She’s been here too long, please stop remaining

Cause I’m back, Ball Lightnings cracked, LL is waiting

Who’s that in Dusk till Dawn, it’s Chane-y

Now who's the best Runeblade is complicating

So Miss Uzuri won’t let me be

She keeps hitting me with CnC

She tries to shake me down at reaction speed

But it feels so empty, without me


So, Spinning Wheel Kick, Twin Twisters hit

Head Jab, it’s a yellow, and you can’t stop it

And get ready, cause Find Center is ‘bout to Zen me

Benji’s hanging out with Katsu, this duo’s deadly!


Now listen to the tale I weave

So everybody, shuffle with me

Cause I need some pit fight, legality

Cause it feels so empty, without me

I said listen to the tale I weave

So everybody, shuffle with me

Cause I need some pit fight, legality

Cause it feels so empty, without me


Little hellion, Fai’s feeling rebellious

Embarrassed, that Kano still laughs at their decklist

They start feelin’ like prisoners, helpless

‘Til someone comes along with Oasis and yells “Pitch!”

No Aether Flaring, prevention is scary

Fai leads a revolution, flingin’ the bird Flames

A rebel, so please just don’t Revel Rune Flash

Rosetta Thorn’s got Viserai kickin’ my ass

And it’s a disaster, such a catastrophe

For you to draft so damn much of my ass, in Uprising

Well Back Stab, switch Cut Down to Size will eat, ya

Fix your girl Azalea tune her in and then I’m gonna

Enter in, to the Pro Tour like a winner

The center of attention, Red in the Ledger

Bows interesting, the best thing since Hamstring

Infecting, just need some lace and fletching

Take Aim, Remorseless, please

Release the Tension, soon as someone says fatigue

It costs ten cents, Widowmaker’s free

Is Tunic right or is Trench for me?


Now listen to the tale I weave

So everybody, shuffle with me

Cause I need some pit fight, legality

Cause it feels so empty, without me

I said listen to the tale I weave

So everybody, shuffle with me

Cause I need some pit fight, legality

Cause it feels so empty, without me


Toxic Tips, an on-hit, you just tripped my trap pit

Arsenals bad, Malicious Mask it

Tripwire Trap shit, you can’t have your Crush hit

Worse when I Codex this Death Touch back in

And Boltyn? Gettin’ super charged by Soul Food

Triple Lumina, sabers exploding

You can’t come back, he’s straight gold, let go

It’s over, Dusk till Dawn will be his set though

Now let’s go, Dash’s jamming the signal

Sorry Oldhim she goes ‘pewpewpew’ with her pistol

It’s been dope, ever since Data Doll showed

Tell me why the robot’s int score is so low

But sometimes man it just seems

Riptide only wants to Death Touch me

It’s actually kind of disgusting

No Pits for me, that shit’s his scene

No, I’m not the first king of controversy

I am the worst thing since Starvo ran free

To use Stalagmite so selfishly

You couldn’t stop him with Awakening (hey!)

He did hit LL first

But as the PT victor Chane did emerge

And no matter how many fish in the sea

It’ll be so empty, without me


Now listen to the tale I weave

So everybody, shuffle with me

Cause I need some pit fight, legality

Cause it feels so empty, without me

I said listen to the tale I weave

So everybody, shuffle with me

Cause I need some pit fight, legality

Cause it feels so empty, without me

End Musical Interlude

The rules of UPF also received an update since last year. As it now adheres to Blitz deckbuilding rules, gone are the days of 20 equipment boards capable of holding an outfit for every occasion. For anyone interested in the spiritual successor to my Yorick's Pile of Format Legal Cards, I've updated it with new cards and to fit the revamped format.

The core gameplan of the deck is the same as it was before: grind opposing hero synergies to a halt, and win a fair game where everyone has one hand tied behind their back. No blues, no six power attacks, no zero cost cards, no three cost attack actions, almost no non-attack actions with go again. With new additions over the last year, we've even been able to remove some of the last few cards that could have accidental synergy (Knick Knack Bric-a-brac, Regurgitating Slog, Life of the Party, Belittle, and Cadaverous Contraband) and replaced them with some real clunkers.

Card image of Freewheeling Renegades (Yellow)
Card image of Spring Load (Yellow)
Card image of Titanium Bauble (Blue)

They're not all bad cards though; and thanks to a fancy new hat, we even have some ways to play to our own strengths!

Card image of Cash In (Yellow)
Card image of Crown of Dominion

Crown of Dominion lets us take advantage of Cash In and the trio Imperial cards better than any of our non-royal opponents. They even printed an attack that is effective into virtually every hero but Yorick!

Card image of Humble (Yellow)

You'll note the deck is 2 cards short. Not only are those two slots Shitty Xmas Presents, but they're late gifts too!

Anti-synergy Yorick was last year’s build though, and with a new year comes a new deckbuilding masterpiece. Do you ever get tired of UPF games ending too quickly? Then this is the deck for you!

The fun stops when the game stops; and with this deck and some clever play, you can make sure your games of UPF NEVER END. A few of the most powerful defense reactions in the game alongside a pile of life gain and damage prevention effects will make sure everyone stays alive while you keep on activating Hummingbird to heal the table as many times as possible. There's even a full set of Drone of Brutality to make sure people don't fatigue and the fun goes on…






...and on...








...and on...








...and on...







Happy April Fool's Day - not a day late, but a day fashionably drawn out, for anticipation! Consider it an encore!

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