Hello again, dear readers!
You may recall my guest appearance at this fine establishment last year around this time.
I write to you today facing a most disheartening circumstance!
While the multiplayer format boastfully claims to welcome all, it seems there's an egregious exception!
First, a promise of an open and free gameplay format.
Lies! Deception! After Mr. White lovingly crafted my likeness into a card for his delightful game, it seems that yours truly was too popular for his own good.
Talk about a shitty X-mas present… in October, no less!
But alas, I always try to look on the bright side. All great masterpieces are born from tragedy. Despite the woes caused by my lack of official playability, I did receive a wonderful new instrument since I last wrote, from Mr. White himself!
Mr. White's latest gaming set, Outsiders, even served as inspiration for my latest song, and Hummingbird played an instrumental (heh heh) role in bringing this wonderful song to life. So, without further ado, I bring to you…
Without Me, by Yorick the Bard
[best enjoyed to the tune of Without Me, by the bard Eminem]
James White, real name no gimmicks
Call of Adventure and it’s got two sides
Got two sides, got two sides
Call of Adventure and it’s got two sides
Got two sides, got two sides
Guess who’s back?
Back again
Yorick’s back
Tell a friend
Guess who's back? Guess who's back?
Guess who's back? Guess who's back?
Guess who's back? Guess who's back?
Guess who's back?
I’ve created a monster
Cause nobody wants to help shuffle no more
They want Prism, I’m chopped liver
Well if you want Prism, this is what I’ll give ya
A Lurker of the Deep and a Driftwood Quiver
Some Pox that’ll just stop your heart quicker
Than a shock when I get shocked at the Thunder Steppe
By Briar when I’m not cooperating
When I’m flauntin’ my fable while she’s CMH’ing
She’s been here too long, please stop remaining
Cause I’m back, Ball Lightnings cracked, LL is waiting
Who’s that in Dusk till Dawn, it’s Chane-y
Now who's the best Runeblade is complicating
So Miss Uzuri won’t let me be
She keeps hitting me with CnC
She tries to shake me down at reaction speed
But it feels so empty, without me
So, Spinning Wheel Kick, Twin Twisters hit
Head Jab, it’s a yellow, and you can’t stop it
And get ready, cause Find Center is ‘bout to Zen me
Benji’s hanging out with Katsu, this duo’s deadly!
Now listen to the tale I weave
So everybody, shuffle with me
Cause I need some pit fight, legality
Cause it feels so empty, without me
I said listen to the tale I weave
So everybody, shuffle with me
Cause I need some pit fight, legality
Cause it feels so empty, without me
Little hellion, Fai’s feeling rebellious
Embarrassed, that Kano still laughs at their decklist
They start feelin’ like prisoners, helpless
‘Til someone comes along with Oasis and yells “Pitch!”
No Aether Flaring, prevention is scary
Fai leads a revolution, flingin’ the bird Flames
A rebel, so please just don’t Revel Rune Flash
Rosetta Thorn’s got Viserai kickin’ my ass
And it’s a disaster, such a catastrophe
For you to draft so damn much of my ass, in Uprising
Well Back Stab, switch Cut Down to Size will eat, ya
Fix your girl Azalea tune her in and then I’m gonna
Enter in, to the Pro Tour like a winner
The center of attention, Red in the Ledger
Bows interesting, the best thing since Hamstring
Infecting, just need some lace and fletching
Take Aim, Remorseless, please
Release the Tension, soon as someone says fatigue
It costs ten cents, Widowmaker’s free
Is Tunic right or is Trench for me?
Now listen to the tale I weave
So everybody, shuffle with me
Cause I need some pit fight, legality
Cause it feels so empty, without me
I said listen to the tale I weave
So everybody, shuffle with me
Cause I need some pit fight, legality
Cause it feels so empty, without me
Toxic Tips, an on-hit, you just tripped my trap pit
Arsenals bad, Malicious Mask it
Tripwire Trap shit, you can’t have your Crush hit
Worse when I Codex this Death Touch back in
And Boltyn? Gettin’ super charged by Soul Food
Triple Lumina, sabers exploding
You can’t come back, he’s straight gold, let go
It’s over, Dusk till Dawn will be his set though
Now let’s go, Dash’s jamming the signal
Sorry Oldhim she goes ‘pewpewpew’ with her pistol
It’s been dope, ever since Data Doll showed
Tell me why the robot’s int score is so low
But sometimes man it just seems
Riptide only wants to Death Touch me
It’s actually kind of disgusting
No Pits for me, that shit’s his scene
No, I’m not the first king of controversy
I am the worst thing since Starvo ran free
To use Stalagmite so selfishly
You couldn’t stop him with Awakening (hey!)
He did hit LL first
But as the PT victor Chane did emerge
And no matter how many fish in the sea
It’ll be so empty, without me
Now listen to the tale I weave
So everybody, shuffle with me
Cause I need some pit fight, legality
Cause it feels so empty, without me
I said listen to the tale I weave
So everybody, shuffle with me
Cause I need some pit fight, legality
Cause it feels so empty, without me
End Musical Interlude
The rules of UPF also received an update since last year. As it now adheres to Blitz deckbuilding rules, gone are the days of 20 equipment boards capable of holding an outfit for every occasion. For anyone interested in the spiritual successor to my Yorick's Pile of Format Legal Cards, I've updated it with new cards and to fit the revamped format.
The core gameplan of the deck is the same as it was before: grind opposing hero synergies to a halt, and win a fair game where everyone has one hand tied behind their back. No blues, no six power attacks, no zero cost cards, no three cost attack actions, almost no non-attack actions with go again. With new additions over the last year, we've even been able to remove some of the last few cards that could have accidental synergy (Knick Knack Bric-a-brac, Regurgitating Slog, Life of the Party, Belittle, and Cadaverous Contraband) and replaced them with some real clunkers.
They're not all bad cards though; and thanks to a fancy new hat, we even have some ways to play to our own strengths!
Crown of Dominion lets us take advantage of Cash In and the trio Imperial cards better than any of our non-royal opponents. They even printed an attack that is effective into virtually every hero but Yorick!
You'll note the deck is 2 cards short. Not only are those two slots Shitty Xmas Presents, but they're late gifts too!
Anti-synergy Yorick was last year’s build though, and with a new year comes a new deckbuilding masterpiece. Do you ever get tired of UPF games ending too quickly? Then this is the deck for you!
Weapons
Equipment
- Crown of Providence (1)
- Fyendal's Spring Tunic (1)
- Gambler's Gloves (1)
- Ironhide Gauntlet (1)
- Ironhide Legs (1)
- Nullrune Boots (1)
- Nullrune Gloves (1)
- Nullrune Hood (1)
- Nullrune Robe (1)
Loadout
- Drone of Brutality (Red) (2)
- Drone of Brutality (Yellow) (2)
- Drone of Brutality (Blue) (2)
- Enchanting Melody (Red) (2)
- Enchanting Melody (Yellow) (2)
- Enchanting Melody (Blue) (2)
- Fate Foreseen (Red) (2)
- Fog Down (Yellow) (2)
- Healing Balm (Red) (2)
- Oasis Respite (Red) (2)
- Oasis Respite (Yellow) (2)
- Oasis Respite (Blue) (2)
- Peace of Mind (Red) (2)
- Rise Above (Red) (2)
- Sigil of Protection (Red) (2)
- Sigil of Protection (Yellow) (2)
- Sigil of Protection (Blue) (2)
- Sigil of Solace (Red) (2)
- Sink Below (Red) (2)
- Sun Kiss (Red) (2)
The fun stops when the game stops; and with this deck and some clever play, you can make sure your games of UPF NEVER END. A few of the most powerful defense reactions in the game alongside a pile of life gain and damage prevention effects will make sure everyone stays alive while you keep on activating Hummingbird to heal the table as many times as possible. There's even a full set of Drone of Brutality to make sure people don't fatigue and the fun goes on…
...and on...
...and on...
...and on...
Happy April Fool's Day - not a day late, but a day fashionably drawn out, for anticipation! Consider it an encore!
